I’m a sucker for talented people.

1. Dancers
2. Singers
3. Guitar/ piano playing

I’m a sucker for just normal things.

• Cute smile
• Light colored eyes
• Chefs
• Family oriented
• Open-minded
• Always there for you

January 23, 2011

As you can see, that was just a year ago. I didn’t want to write about you, but I did with him no matter how much I hated him, and I guess I’m going to do it with you too.

I’ve never had a “happy one month” with anyone. I can never keep a stable relationship because they would either lie, give me excuses, act like their not interested or just want to get inside me. I had more flings than anything. But with him? Oh wow, he wanted to get to know me. He wanted to know everything about me, but I didn’t respect that and I kept saying, “Oh no babe, I’ll tell you tomorrow. What did you do today?”

We talked for like 3 months too… haha. It would have been sooner if I just confessed that I like you.

Yeah, I keep saying all this  bad shit about him because I want to remember why I broke up with him instead of sulking around and get mad that we broke up in the first place. But shit, did he do sweet things. He walked to my house in the middle of the night so we could stay at least an hour together. HAHA.

So let me tell you, that was the very first time we actually hung out. But that night was memorable.  You know you like someone when all you want to do is lay in their arms instead of doing all that freaky shit. Cos that’s what we did the first night we had together. It was 12 am right after a party he went to and we cuddled for about an hour. Oh how I loved how he felt so warm and his smile… haha.

I told my mom in a really stupid way. I wouldn’t have told her if I didn’t send a text to her when it was suppose to be for him. Haha :3 He had dinner with us a couple days later, he went to a family party, he played video games with my brothers and I. He didn’t let me win…. He understood when i got mad, he was there when I needed him. He made me smile when I was so sad. He wrote a poem to me, he chased after me when I was mad and when we would watch movies together, it was like he was the only one who mattered.

He’s happy with someone else and I hate how we never talk anymore. I feel like he has forgotten about me.. and I wouldn’t blame him. Everyone forgets me after awhile. I hope she’s treating you good because you deserve it.

It’s blurry, but whatever. Haha.

The things you remember when those “Happy _ anniversary” comes up. When that number comes up every damn month, when you just have to think back and ask yourself, “What would happen if we were still together?” Man, letting go is hard, but moving on is harder.

Went all the way back to you & I. “Dinner with the fam + boyfriend.” People tweeted me asking who he was & when they’re going to meet him….

When I changed my relationship status, I could’ve sworn I got 50ish likes. I don’t know. I want to feel that way again. I want people that cares about me to know that I’m in good hands, I want them to know that I got something real this time around. I want them to befriend him on facebook & say “You better treat her right or I’ll fuck you up.” That type of shit that makes me know that they can see me happy.

I don’t know. it’s not only about my friends knowing that I’m finally happy, it’s just me knowing that I’m happy. You know? No? okay.

Just sayin.

I had a dream that my ex boyfriend & I got back together.

He went to my house, he apologized for being an ass and said he wanted me back.

I took him back because I still “loved” him. He gave me all these presents and I fought with my parents because they didn’t want him to be my boyfriend, but we ended up being together in the end.

Then I woke up. Sad thing is… I thought it was real and I was disappointed when I woke up… lol

My ex boyfriend- Fuck you & your lies. I hate you so much. You always lied to me. You never tried to make anything better. Always getting me mad, always having a girl at your house like it ain’t shit. Bullshit.

I don’t even know why I’m looking through your shit right now.

But for some reason, I had so many chances with other guys & I chose to be with you. Taaaaaah, I must have really cared about you, I must have really liked you, I must have really thought you could change me. Yet, you make me realize what I fucking deserve & it wasn’t you.

& I thought I was jealous of you & your new girl friend? LOL fuck no.

Let’s fight. Mentally & physically. I love debates, I don’t want you to agree with me all the time. Have your own opinion instead of just agreeing with me all the damn time. Physically? I like wrestling, I like slapping & pushing. I’ll be a big baby & pretend you actually hurt me, but I’ll only do it so you can pull me closer & comfort me.

Be a gentleman. I’ll be the same. I’ll open the door for you, I’ll drive, I’ll let you decide where to go. I’ll bring you flowers & chocolate, I’ll make the secrecy dates & I’ll talk to you first if you want. Just do the same. It’s a mutual thing. I want you to fall in love with me too, you know.

Meet my family. Bring your sibling to the family dinners & they can get along with mine. I’ll start calling your mom “mom” too, just to know that I really care about you & that I’m serious.

Look into my eyes, pull me close & just let me know that you’re not going anywhere.

I don’t need the specifics, I don’t want what every girl wants. Simple is good enough. All I ask is for you to be there & I’ll do the same. Be mine, forever & I promise you I’ll be worth every second of it.

Last year, I was talking to my ex boyfriend for about 3 months on & off. I ignored him for a week & go back to him the next. Yeah, I was a bitch. I kept going back to my ex (at the time) and when he left me, I would go back to my ex now. Well, we started officially talking at the end of December (around this time) & I always called him babe or baby & he wouldn’t call me it back. December 30th, I asked, how come you never call me babe back? He said, I’ll say it to you when you’re mine. I told him that it’s his fault because he hasn’t asked me to be his yet. He told me to wait & it’ll something I won’t forget.

Surely, I won’t forget this. We talked the whole day on December 31st. Texting and on the phone… around 10, I told him I had to go to my Grandma’s house & he said he was busy with his friends & I kinda got irritated but I was like, okay. He texted me at like 11:50 saying, “Hi (:” He kept texting fast & he stopped texting me around 11:56? I was like okay… I was counting down at to the New Year, once I said 0 & I jumped with my family, I get a vibration on my phone, it’s a text from him… He says “Will you be my girlfriend? <3”

HAHAHA I know it’s just a text, but it was cute. I mean… who gets that? Me <3 LOL well yeah.

I should stop reading love stories. I just got done reading my third one last night of this month. I don’t read this much, but I’m so lonely that it keeps my hopes up & then I get mad/ jealous that I don’t have that.

I want a boyfriend that will pick me up when I’m sad and take me out to dinner. I want a boyfriend who I can have a conversation with & keep calling me cute and kisses me unexpectedly. I want a boyfriend I can cry to and will sweep me off my feet, literally. i want a boyfriend that will just stay and won’t leave.

Sigh I should stop reading.

But not when I just borrowed another book today in the library. Watch me get that done in less than a week.

Next person I kiss, next person I’ll learn to love, next person I’ll introduce to my parents, next person who will laugh with me at night, next person who will watch movies with me all day long, next person who I’ll cuddle with, next person who I’ll let enter my mind, next person who I will keep, love & cherish will be my next relationship that I will have forever.

I’m done with that, We need to talk…. I don’t think it’s working out. Can we be friends?

Fuck the heartache, fuck the cries, fuck the memories, fuck the Be happy that it happened, not that it’s over.

Be happy that you still have them in your life. That’s more like it.