You promised me we would never drift. You promised me we will always go to each other when something comes up. You promised that we will never forget about each other. You promised me that no matter how much bullshit we go through, we’ll never leave each other. 

But you’re the reason why I think promises are bullshit. You promised in the spare of the moment. You promised because you thought that it was a temporary thing. You promised me that the memories we have will never end, yet I’m stuck here thinking that one day, you’ll remember those promises again and we’ll go back to how we were — friends. 

My thoughts are back again. I hate being left alone or not being occupied because I’ll over think. I’ll think back of what I could have done or what I shouldn’t have done. I’ll think back and I won’t stop. 

You’re finally happy. You finally found a girl that would make you happy and meet up to your standards. You’ve finally found someone to get over me and move on. I told you, it was for the best that I broke it off. I told you, if I was still with you, you wouldn’t have found this amazing girl you’re always talking about. I told you, you deserve better and you found better. I’m happy for you. I’ll always be here for you. I’ll always be your friend. I’ll always remember us. 

I miss being close to the people I used to be close to. Maybe they have forgotten about me, maybe they miss being close to me too, but either way, every friend I have encountered has been an impact in one way or another. I hope all of them are doing great and I wish one day, we’ll be able to start from where we’ve left off. 

it’s been awhile since we’ve talked and I miss updating you how I am. I miss calling you my bestfriend even though we’ve drifted too far apart. I miss being able to actually have a guy best friend. I miss being able to have you relate to me more than most people and your wise advice. I miss being able to learn from your mistakes and do things better. I miss being able to be there for you when you had no one. I miss being able to just … be that person you can count on. 

We’ve drifted. You’ve found other people to … I guess be there for you better than I ever have. I guess I wasn’t a good enough of a friend for us to have a healthy friendship. I check up on you everyday still even though I doubt you even remember I still exist. I always wonder how you’re doing and I always pray that your life will hopefully be something you’ve always wanted. I hope one day, our friendship will go back to normal when I come back but if not, then I’ll only remember how close we were and the impact you have been in my heart. 

Wipe those tears and imagine all the happy times. Imagine that you’ll get through this crap and just smile like you’ve been doing all day, all week, all month. I know life can get frustrating, but keep up the good work. You’ll get your time to be happy and all those fuckers who made you sad will have karma come back and get them. 

i’m too sick. My throat hurts and my face is so hot. My eyes just screaming for me to sleep, but I can’t. Bitchassniggas keep talking. -___- lol jk. i love you guys. jk… srsly doe, they won’t stop talking -___________-

I’m irritated. I’m lowkey heated. Aw fuck. I hate everything right now. I hate this feeling. 

Love me or hate me, I’ll still do me. 

Walk away from me, I know you’re not worth it.

I’ll be the best of friend to you, but let’s see if you’ll be the same. 

It’s about give and take. 

Not just a one way street. 

Even though we’re not friends anymore or we don’t talk as much as we used to or if we’re on bad terms, I’ll always be here for you. 

Relationships aren’t always about the corny words and the loving gestures.

You get in arguments. You get annoyed of each other and sometimes you just don’t want to talk to each other. 

But at the end of the day, you both know that you won’t leave. Your love for each other is unconditional. 

Learning about someone inside and out and being able for them to do the same is a miracle. They see your flaws, they wipe your tears when you can’t take it anymore and they hug you letting you know that they would never let you go if they could. 

Don’t give up.

You both are worth it. 

I never imagined my life to be good as it is now. I never imagined to sleep with peace instead of agonizing thoughts. I never imagined to stop having those “What if?” thoughts. I never imagined to put the pain I have had experience on to the side and focus on what I deserve. I never imagined to move on and let go of people who weren’t worth my time. I never imagined to be where I am right now. I never imagined to have pure happiness in my life to a point where when I smile — it’s real. 

I will never forget what my past has done to me. I’ve been through so much bullshit, but I’m happy I did because now I know what kind of people aren’t worth my time or my effort. What kind of people I should have friends and what I deserve to be happy. There’s so little time in the world to regret shit that made us smile at one point in life, so why stop and dwell? Why stop and hope that we need to get back to how we were instead of just go out and keep yourself occupied? 

Something might have been stopping me from being happy again, but I pushed it aside and focused on what I want, what I need to have a genuine smile and a good outlook on life itself. There might be stupid people here and there, but forget about them and worry about you because at the end of the day, who matters?

You. 

I’m feeling like shit. 

I’ve never had a relationship like this. Fighting like this. Crying like this. taha, I sound like a baby for crying as much right now.

I want to have beautiful thoughts about us. 

But we keep arguing, pretend nothing happened and then bring it up again. Can you just tell me how you feel? Can you let me know that you still want to be with me? If you don’t then fine. I’m not going to beg. I’m going to stand my ground and accept it. 

I honestly think I’m a horrible girl friend. Why don’t you listen to the people who tell you I’m not worth it? Because I’m not. Fine, you’re right. I take advantage of you, I don’t show affection anymore. I don’t let you kiss me, I don’t go to you when you want. I let you feel like a doormat. I’m sorry you can’t keep up with my emotional roller coaster. But if we’re going to fight like this, then why do you or me deserve each other at it’s best. If I remind you of your ex girlfriends, then why put up with me? Being used to this feeling isn’t good because you’re suppose to find someone better than your last. 

I feel like shit. Words and thoughts are rambling through me and I don’t know what to think anymore. Maybe this is just a phase, but I don’t know what to do or where to start or how to let go of this matter. I’m used to “breaking up” and getting back together when we’re ready, yet I want to fix how things are between us instead of going back to that. 

I don’t know. I don’t know. I don’t know.